Leveling the Playing Field: Empowering Working Moms to Get the Help they Deserve with Pace Webb

In this empowering episode, we dive into the realities of balancing high-powered careers with the demands of home life. Erica Rooney speaks with Pace Webb, CEO, chef, wife, and mother, who shares her expert strategies on managing domestic duties through effective communication and systems.

What We Cover:

• The hidden mental workload of ambitious working moms
• Practical strategies to manage domestic responsibilities
• The impact of poor communication on marriage and how to fix it
• Pace Webb's personal journey and insights
• Tools and systems for a balanced home life

Discover how to reclaim your time, lighten your mental load, and enhance your relationship. This episode is a must-listen for every ambitious working woman striving to balance it all.

www.getourhomeflows.com

https://www.pacewebb.com/ 

https://www.instagram.com/ourhomeflows/

Hashtags:
#AmbitiousWomen #WorkingMoms #MentalLoad #DomesticDuties #MarriageTips #CommunicationSkills #Empowerment #WomenInLeadership #Podcast #CareerAndFamilyBalance

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Transcript

0:00

If you've ever felt overwhelmed with the mental workload that all moms seem to have, or if you've ever been frustrated because you, the mom always seemed to be the number one, caretaker, number one, provider, number one, home manager. Or maybe you felt like you've had to constantly ask your partner for help around the home you share, and it's you, that is in charge of managing every task that needs to be done. If this is you, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Now the good news is it does not have to be this way. The bad news is you're going to have to do a little bit of the grunt work for the change to happen. But in today's episode, you'll hear about the not so shocking divorce rates and the number one reason why divorce rates are so high. Now I know, not a single one of you listening who got married did so because you felt like divorce was a backup plan. And I also know that it's not fair for ambitious women like us to have to shoulder that load on our own. Today's guest pace web is the woman behind the Instagram handle. Our home flows. And she's going to talk to us about the very easy, very real systems and strategies. She created that center around communication, which is the key to sharing in those domestic duties. Y'all this is a game changer for ambitious women who want to have it all, do it all and be it all. And the good news is no, I should say the great news is you can, and you can have a bomb ass marriage to. So put in those earbuds because pays web is bringing the heat. You are listening to the glass ceiling and sticky floor podcast. The podcast that will empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. So you can live your best life. I'm Erica Rooney and I'm on a mission to bring more women into positions of power and keep them there. I'm obsessed with all things, growth and abundance. And I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear and burnout. So pull up a seat popping in near bed and let's dive in.

Speaker: 2:07

Today's guest is Pace Webb, CEO, chef, wife, mama, and the woman behind Our Home Flows. And Pace is on a mission, y'all, to empower women, moms specifically, to reclaim time. And I found her on Instagram and immediately fell in love with this woman because she has reels and posts that are titled, Truth Bomb, Why Our Husbands Get Defensive When We Address a Problem, or P. O. V. Are you the only one who remembers your kid's weekly gymnastics schedules? And ladies, I don't know about you, but all of those resonated so deeply within my soul. It was like she had a spy cam into my own living room. But here's the deal. Pace is speaking the truth and frustrations that many of us feel. And she's here to chat with us today about her story and the systems and strategies she has put into place in her life. to divide domestic responsibility for dual working homes with kids. So if that's you, you better turn up the volume, grab your notebook and a pen, because this episode is going to be amazing. Pace, I am so pumped that you are here. How are you?

Speaker 2: 3:15

What an intro. You nailed it to the T. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. I love the name of your podcast. So cool. Um, so I love that we're both contributing to this, this very good cause about empowering women and changing the narrative at home.

Speaker: 3:31

Oh,

Speaker 2: 3:31

my

Speaker: 3:31

gosh. And we need to, and I've got so many theories behind why it is the way it is, but I want to hear more about who you are before we dive into that. So tell me your story, chef. You earned this entrepreneur women's empowerment. Let's go.

Speaker 2: 3:45

I know. Um, it's wild. Um, I spent most of my professional career as a chef, and you think of chef as being super creative, which it really is, but the creativity is such a small percentage of that type of profession. A lot of it is systems and communication, people managing. Um, budget managing. So, um, I had a fine dining catering business for years in Los Angeles, and then we spun off a fried chicken concept, and I was, became business partners with my husband on that. That business went absolutely to the moon, and I became, uh, we sold, we partnered with Private Equity first, and I became the CEO of the franchise business and got, you know, a total MBA on that, all the while. opening more restaurants, having more kids, being married, figuring out how to do all that. and then, that transition from chef to CEO was a lot more natural than I thought, because it's like, you have to get the food out on time, consistent. On budget and work with a lot of people to do. So the results of a CEO are kind of the same. And was like, I am naturally kind of made for this. And I really enjoyed it and learned a ton, but along the way, I think my first daughter, so I have a five and a half year old and almost two year old. And, um, when my first daughter was about 10 months old, I started like having these feelings of resentment. I was staying home with her more. But I have this other, you know, this catering business that took a lot of time, but I kind of set it up where it didn't need me to be present all the time. And then we were starting this other business with my husband and it was really cooking and I, I'm always one who looks within. So I'm having these feelings of resentment or unhappiness. I'm like, I have, first of all, I had everything I needed and wanted. Okay. I got the dream guy. I got a healthy, beautiful, easy child. I'm starting a second business, you know, like, so I had to really step back a minute and say, well, what is it that you need if you're not happy or building these resentment feelings? And I would say my thought process is, is not very popular or, or, or common. So I go, I get, I work out a lot of my thoughts in spreadsheets. I solve, I problem solve that way. Okay. I'm a journalist and a writer too, but I'm like, okay. Well, how much time, and it goes my CEO systems brain, well, what are you doing with your time? What would you rather be doing with your time if you're not happy? And I kind of took stock and I was like, Oh, I can see why we're building resentment because I am the, I'm now the boss at work and the CEO of our household, but it's because I didn't even question it. Nobody questions it because we're D the women are still default running the household. Cool. And, so I was like, okay, well, I'm going to start having some conversations and I'm going to apply the same principles that I apply at work to leading a team through decentralized leadership. Okay. So that's gets into corporate jargon there. So I don't want to alienate any other moms out there, but it basically means that. you lead without having to micromanage or do every little thing. and ideally you don't necessarily want to be a leader at home. Some women that is very much their role and it's super awesome. And I, and I do respect that. It's like whatever makes you happy. Right. so I started implementing the systems at home and having all kinds of conversations with my husband about it. Who was not the super receptive type, very loving, very family oriented, but this, these subject matters were coming out of left field and not really going over great. I was getting a lot of resistance and pushback and a lot of it was. And it's very common to is like, but I do so much, which is not untrue. So it was like very much a personal attack. And I think that's how a lot of these conversations start. Um, because we as the millennial females, um, are taught, you go get it girl, you get your college education, you, you know, you get equality, you get that equal pay, you get that promotion, you go have that family, you just, you do it all, you have it all. But who's being left out of this conversation are the men. Right. They're not being told, Hey, so the expectation expectations have changed a little bit. And the type of woman that you're going to be likely marrying has a whole different set of expectations from you as a husband and a father. Nobody's having those conversations. So it's not that they're like, not paying attention, unwilling, all these things. They're just a little shocked and they're trying to catch up and navigate how this works. And then I think that I've built my career on, learning communication skills. It's not always been good, but I've gotten really good at it because I need people to produce a certain result having been in the previous positions that I've had. So I've had to learn to speak to my husband in the right ways to make a point across and have a good effect. And I think that's a part of it, too, is communication skills are not inherent. They are not, and they're not really taught anywhere. So here we are, women are pissed off. They're like, I didn't ask for all this. Yeah. I want to be equal. Yeah. But like I also at home and I'm too overloaded and this is really not fair. And then they come off super bitchy to their husbands and don't know how to have the productive conversations. And unfortunately, it's not overnight. And women are still a somewhat oppressed group. And historically, if you look at it. Um, the oppressed have to do a little bit of the grunt work, okay, to make a change. No one else is going to do it for you, okay? And you will benefit from it, and future generations will benefit from it, but a lot of the challenge you see with women is like, I can't, I don't even want, I don't want to take a course on the mental load. I don't want to look at this stuff. I'm already sinking and I shouldn't have to. And I guess what I say there is I'm like, Well, it's either you got to dig in and roll up your sleeves a little bit more, and you can be mad all you want about where we are, but it's where we are, right? And we have to start that arc somewhere. So it took a few years and we have like an awesome system and that's what my courses are on. And they're not like crazy long or anything like that. They're very like homework doable bite size. We can talk about that later. But it's sort of the system that I use and my husband literally after he's like you are you need to do something with this You're gonna save marriages with this. Holy crap, you know, it went from I don't want to shared calendar I don't want to do a weekly family meeting I definitely don't want to see a freaking spreadsheet, you know to like Shit got real for us. We, when we're business partners with an exploding business and having babies, real quick, things get out of hand real quick. And you have to, what I've also learned is that when thing, the busier you get, the more you have to communicate, but people are more likely to be tired and retreat and not go in weave into that regular communication more. Okay. But it was like a method of survival for us. And I feel like so many families, especially in America, are just surviving with the amount of hours that everybody's working. You know, a lot of households require two incomes to survive. It's not really an option like it used to be 40 years ago to survive off of one income. So it's just the climate has shifted. and what this movement is about, is not devaluing paid labor because it is obviously important. I've been not a high earner and I've been both a high earner. I've been a semi stay at home mom and I've been a really not home very much mom working really hard. So I really have compassion and respect for all the choices. Um, but the important part is that, um, it, it remains a choice and that we have the value placed. On the unpaid labor, so I'm not devaluing paid labor because I think that's a lot of the pushback that I get from the husbands out there, right? They feel attacked by the subject and but the reality is, is, is being a good provider makes you a good provider, but it doesn't make you a good husband. or a good father. There's a certain level of participation required of you when you have a family. Um, so that's what I'm really trying to do. You know, at first this, this work was really for dual working households with kids. And I started to learn more about, well, what about the stay at home moms with kids under five that are home, that are clocking in. 98 hours a week and the spouse is working 50, it still needs to be addressed, right? And what that, and it doesn't have to be 50 50. It just needs to be fair. And that looks different for every family. So with that, Oh my gosh,

Speaker: 12:48

with that, we have a lot to unpack here, but I'm also dying because My husband and I went through something similar where I was like, I'm going to create a spreadsheet of all the things that I do. And this is why I can't wait to dive into your communication strategies. Cause of course I give him this spreadsheet and it does not go over well. It does not go over well, as you can imagine, as you can imagine, he was very defensive. And then he also started putting shit on this list. Like I put up the Christmas lights and I'm like, One time a year, sir. One time. Do you want me to write down everything?

Speaker 2: 13:21

There's, and there's a category for that. It's called magic making, and it is infrequent, but it is important. But yes, let's look. Getting everything known in totality of what it takes to, to keep your children alive and flourishing and your home kept to a standard you both like. And that list is humongous.

Speaker: 13:43

It is so humongous, but you really hit the nail on the head with this whole evolution of women going from working in the home to where we are now, right? We were told that we could have it all, do it all, be it all, but nothing else shifted. And so it just continued to pile on top. And it wasn't until I really dug very deep with my own, you know, life circumstance. When I first had my kid and I was home with my maternity leave, I was home for 12 weeks. I wasn't doing anything else. So it made complete sense for me. to assume a lot of those responsibilities of the healing

Speaker 2: 14:17

from childbirth and keeping an infant alive and washing bottles and changing diapers and doing laundry and trying to eat something yourself. So you don't pass out from breastfeeding.

Speaker: 14:27

Yeah,

Speaker 2: 14:27

fair,

Speaker: 14:28

very fair. What I will say is I had a very easy baby and like, I truly Like it was just, I was very blessed. It was very lucky. But when I went back to work, we never had a conversation about, let's now talk about how we have to shift these priorities because I had already always resumed responsibilities and then that never shifted. And then we added another kid to the mix and then we're doing sports and other activities. And it, we never slowed down to have the conversation. To say, this workload isn't fair anymore, let's readjust. And that's why I'm so excited about these communication strategies that you have. Because, there is that book out right now, that Eve Rodoski, or Roski wrote called Airplay. Rodski. Rodski, thank you. Great book, but she doesn't hone in on the communication piece. And that's where it backfired for me, because I did that spreadsheet! And it

Speaker 2: 15:23

didn't go well. You do the cards, but how do you talk about the cards and how do you handle pushback? And so I'm like, Ooh, she led us there, but like, there aren't, cause most people aren't systems people. So I've got the systems for when you're like, okay, cool. Now we, I teach you how to divide it, how to have the conversations, how to handle the pushback. And then I'm showing you, well, here's the actual systems. Cause her cards are awesome. And they work for a lot of people cause you can see, Oh wow. Yeah. You take this card. Then people are like how the. Freak, do I manage myself and my time? And this, it's like, and she says this a lot. This is where I come from is you need to manage your household and regard your, your household, not just the physical household, but everyone in it and everything in it as your most important organization that you run. Okay. And that level of integrity has this whole bring up, but I think it takes time to get everybody on board for that, but dang, if we treated it like that, come on,

Speaker: 16:22

you know, so also, I'm so glad that you mentioned, like, that the oppressed have to do the grunt work in the beginning, because, um, I too have a digital course about reimagining it all, but it's about productivity and time, right? But also for the corporate woman, very different. But a lot of people came back with the feedback of like, how about a course for men on how to help out? And I was like, I love that idea, but they're not going to sign up for it right now. What I want to hear from you is how did you get your husband from that place of defensiveness to being completely supportive and on board and also understanding, right? That is the biggest thing that I think all women are really seeking. in these types of relationships and they're not getting. So how did we get your husband through that shift?

Speaker 2: 17:07

Yeah. So a lot of it has to do with tone, timing, conversation. So let's start at some very basics of communication, which, um, It can be difficult to find times, but let's say you wanted to have a, a conversation about the mental load and this invisible labor, right? You'd want to pick a time that you guys are not starving. I get hangry and so do, so does everybody. Um, nobody's like ill or hungover. They're like physically over all well. Um, and let's see, you're alone. You're not with any kids. Right. So a few of those kind of basic, uh, physical needs need to be in place, and then you can just. in passing, let them know you want to have a conversation. And that's where a lot of people are like, Oh, it never goes well. It always ends up in an argument or are too freaking scared to bring it up in the first place. And I'm like, if I miss like badass CEO chef, I'm afraid to bring this up to my husband. People are just not saying anything. And that's what was like, I gotta, I gotta dig in here. so you say in passing. Something to the effect of, Hey, I know I've been a little stressed lately, or Hey, you know, I want to sit down and I feel a little disorganized and want to talk about our, like how we can better be on the same page with our home life. Something to that effect. So it's real gentle. I said, there's no, I'm not upset. There's no trouble, even if you are harboring feelings of resentment, but it's not. Like our resentment, you know, you almost don't get it to have to really have it and keep it unless you really tried everything and they just. Yeah, unless you voice your opinion. Yes, but you got to do it in the right way. Okay. So then when the, like, how about, I saw we have it free in the calendar Wednesday, like eight o'clock after we put the gasket. He'll forget that you put it in the calendar. He'll, you'll have to still be like, Hey, can we like have that chat? And it'll be annoying. Or maybe he won't. He'll be like, what are you talking about anyway? But like men really don't like the fact that they're like, Oh man, what's coming. Right? Because there is more work coming for them. So that's a little bit of this issue, is like, it is going to be more work for them, right? But the result is hopefully that your relationship and home life is even better, even if you didn't think something was wrong. If your wife is having these feelings, something's gonna be wrong if it's not wrong right now. Um, so we get there, we say, hey, you know what? And, and then during this time, you've had a moment to like write down everything, take those few days, you've, you've had a chance to take one of my workshops, write down every single thing that is on your plate that keeps you up at night. The, oh yeah, the to do's, the grocery list, the, Um, Are you the main contact at school like you got to get it in absolute totality as much as possible of what you're currently leading that if you did in the way that people like, well, how do you know sometimes he does this and something's that if that thing doesn't, uh, if that person doesn't do it, it won't get done kind of thing. So that's how you determine who's whose task it is. Right? Um, and then you maybe and you know what, like my husband was like, I don't want to see that spreadsheet. Get get that out of here. So initially it was more like jotting some things down on paper, right? Um, so if your husband's like, not like wouldn't be offended by the spreadsheet, like I kind of been keeping track of this and trying to manage my Overwhelmed. I want to be more present with you and the kids, and I want to, you know, feel like I'm in the mood to have sex again, or like, oh, that's a whole other topic, right? Like, I want to, whatever the pain points that you may have been kind of bitchy towards them, or you're taking responsibility for how you're behaving, and you're going to start a dialogue about how I'm going to make this better, but here, I do need some things from you, some participation here. And you also, No, play to your strengths. So let's say, for example, if my, desire was I'm going to make fresh baby food every day for my baby, and my husband has made food like three times in our relationship. It's not reason if I don't want to do it. I'm like, girlfriend, if it's important to you, you do that, you know, your strengths and that also makes them feel like, oh, yeah, I could do that. That makes sense. Right. And then you say, I was thinking, and you just kind of start small with a few things. Like, I was wondering if you could. Take like full this. It's so much on my plate and I'm so overwhelmed. And you say nice things about like, this is in no way, shape or form an attack on everything you do and are for this family. And you really want to make sure, and they even still may feel a little bit attacked, but you're like, could we try this? And the word willing goes so far. Oh my gosh. Would you be willing to take over this task from A to Z so that. It isn't on my plate. I'm not asking or nagging or just like, I could just sort of have less on my plate to think about and everything's flexible. And can we try this out for like seven days? And I want to start, I think we should just start a family meeting. So our date night feels like more fun and not so much like this mishmash catch up on everything. Let's just do like a check in. you know, whatever you can agree, like, okay, yeah, I'll try that. Let's say he's like, you know, whatever his dialogue is. And I have scripts for, for pushback on things. Um, whatever that is, you go, okay, um, great, let's try it. And I want us to start, you know, to feel a little bit more connected about the basic things. Let's just set 15 minutes to check in on how it's going every week. It doesn't need to be long or to do. Um, so I've seen a lot of, again, a lot of men are to it. And then they come around and they're like, wait. Isn't it our meeting night tonight? Because the real effect of that constant communication, not constant, just consistent communication, keeps the cobwebs out, keeps everybody on the same page. How's it going for you? How's it going for you? Cool. How's your workload? What's coming up for the next seven days? It's not a kumbaya. emotional, you know, check in kind of thing. Um, it certainly could at any given time, but my point is I'm trying to have a very gentle start, right? So that you just get, you practice this muscle of communication about real practical things. And then it, it just makes the easier, it makes it easier to communicate about the hard things. And, and you want to start small with like little wins there, because I will say a lot of men this comes as a bit of a, a shock to. And like, even so, another deeper dive into the subject is like, damn, they do a lot, but it's not the frequent stuff, like the Christmas lights you're talking about. So if you are the one who's in charge of like meal prep, for example, the feeding and stocking the home with food. That is an enormous time suck and it is like never ending. And if the, if he takes out the trash that happens once to twice a week, but yours is like, it's just a never ending. I was going

Speaker: 24:27

to say all day,

Speaker 2: 24:28

every

Speaker: 24:28

day, all day, every day to kids and food. All day, every day, all

Speaker 2: 24:31

day, every day. So one thing, and I get this a lot and like my husband does not, it wouldn't be practical to say, Oh, you, you cook this week, I'll cook next week. That's just not going to be our arrangement. Right? So what I have developed though, from my like systems, I'll give you an example of these systems is. I have a spreadsheet with examples of your grocery inventory, and you maybe sit down, Oh, what are the things we always have on hand? Do do do do do do do. Okay, but how much is it that we always need to have on hand for seven days to get us through seven days? Do do do do do do do. And then you can pass that over to somebody else. Let's say it's your husband. They set a reminder. I'm sure you're into time blocking and have lots of, um, good stuff on that. So let's say their time is. Friday, blah, blah, blah. They go through and check the refrigerator for inventory, or maybe it's Saturday or whatever. It works around their, their schedule. That's a reliable every single week. They check, they've done the work once, right? You guys did it together. Here's what we need. We're low on, I'm going to make a grocery list. I'm going to go to the grocery store so that your job, right? You still have the meal plan and do all the thinking for the meal plan, right? And if you want to add anything else to you can, but they're removing some of that mental load. from meal prepping, right? So these are the examples of the kind of systems that I'm making it possible to be divided once you get past these hard conversations.

Speaker: 25:58

I love this and I'm gonna give you a real life story of why this is important. And that is because I tried to divide the household duties. Like you said, I wanted him to do the grocery shopping. I had made the list of what I needed. And I had beef broth on the list. I needed beef broth, you know. And I'm sure, as you know, as a chef, you really don't use a ton of beef broth in most things. Unless you're maybe making a gigantic soup for 50 people. The man came home with like 6 gallons of beef broth that I am still working through. The devil is in the details and having those conversations and, and walking through it together is so key. And that's, I think what so many of us are missing.

Speaker 2: 26:37

Totally. Totally. It's that it's just this constant communication, but like, you know, people sort of don't want to, I think more people than not are afraid to communicate on a regular basis, even with their spouse. But I'm like, it's kind of, it's, it's, it's, It's really interesting because I think a lot of times in marriage, it's not like one big transgression or, like one big event that, is the nail in the coffin, it's a series of tiny Things that just separate you like this and I'm like, Ooh, better not let those cobwebs build. So that's why I'm like, I am a child of a divorced family. I'm like, I do not want that for myself. Marriage is, um, a choice. One of my followers left a comment today on something like marriage is a choice every day. And I think so many of us think that after the wedding, it's a cruise control because we've made these commitments to each other. We're good. Um, let me tell you what it is that every day working and now my husband and I can almost it is unreal. It used to result these kind of talks would end, you know, not just about this, just the way we communicate to each other would, um, when we didn't have like a set time to just connect on some things, uh, argument, or like, you know, just like, it's like, that wasn't the point of those. Oh my God. Now. We are like shorthand communication. Got it. No, take it personal. Thank you for telling me. My husband always jokes. He's like, I Never don't know where you stand. I always know where you stand. Which is so important, right? It's so important. Just women won't say anything, won't say anything, won't say anything. Until they're like, um, I'm ready for a divorce now. And that's what I'm here to do. I want to prevent unnecessary divorces from this unfair, crazy ass, Workload.

Speaker: 28:27

Yes. And you had on your Instagram or your website. I can't remember where I read it about divorce rate being over 50 percent with 43 percent of people divorcing because of domestic workload inequity. And that blew my mind while making complete sense at the same time.

Speaker 2: 28:43

Right. So it was a Forbes, uh, Forbes article from 2023 and they were citing it. It wasn't 43 percent of 100%. It was like people were given multiple choice answers of all the things that they were, but I expected it. It might've been the biggest category. It wasn't like infidelity finances. I would have expected to be more than that. And it wasn't, you know, so that is just really insightful and, uh, telling to me. And I'm like, I don't want people to get divorced for unnecessary reasons. And that's all I'm doing. I'm not a therapist. I'm not, I'm going to, I'm not going to fix your marriage on anything else outside of communication about the domestic workload. That's it. And but I think that's a big problem that we have a big problem

Speaker: 29:31

that it's a big problem. So you mentioned something earlier and it caught my interest. You said family meetings. What does this mean? And tell me what it looks like for you.

Speaker 2: 29:40

Oh, it's it is so, so, so good. And my followers all are always asking for the agenda. and it is that recurring time. So let's say you go through my whole course and I'm like, nothing will stick unless you continue to communicate. about it, right? About whatever you said, okay, I'm going to do this. You're going to do that. We're changing it up a little bit. If you don't meet once a week to, and you reserve those times for like, Hey, how's it going? People actually, that's like way too much for me. We're like, Oh, have you tried this or whatever? Because you feel like you just agreed to this one time of like how it's going to be. And life is way more fluid. Kids get older, have different needs, career changes happen. So there is a bit of fluidity to the domestic workload between parents. So what this meeting does, it's this little agenda. and it just goes over like these main points of like, the first one we do is like, Hey, let's just look at our calendars for the next seven days. What's coming up because there's nothing worse than like, you have this one thing planned, but then they double book something over it. And now you can't do this thing. And then there's like resentment on it. It's like, let's just again, brush out the cobwebs. Look at this. Should we do that? Is that a good idea? Um, and this agenda can like take 15 minutes and maybe sometimes it takes 30 if you really have some things to work through. But I think that's really intimidating for most people. So it's like, let's go over our schedule for the next seven days. See how it's going. How's your workload at home? How's your workload at work? anything behavioral with the kids. We have little kids. So and even as your kids get bigger, like, what are they getting into? But like this gives you an opportunity and a safe place to talk about it. And part of this process too is like you, the woman is offloading a bunch of stuff and being like looking for the participation to share more evenly in domestic workload. And they're still dropping the ball and they're not doing this because that's, you know, it's kind of a new thing for them. that's the time to talk about it. Right. It's like, Hey, is this like, what do you think? Is this not working? Cause like, I still having the problem. Like I, I'm still feeling I'm gonna have to come back behind you and do X, Y, and Z. And then I feel like a nag and that doesn't feel good. So it feels like a little bit of handholding, but again, we've done it to ourselves. We're the ones who are like, I'm gonna carry the whole load and not question it. And we're like, crap. But the work we do now is going to have these dumb conversations anymore. will make the norm. If we normalize, uh, these kind of communication strategies and people working together as a team, then our poor daughters won't have to suffer through these conversations of like, Hey, can we talk about this? Can you share in the domestic? Hey, can you, you know, it's like, But here we are. We're still here. You know what I mean?

Speaker: 32:21

Yes. And what, like, what's going through my brain right now is that a lot of women who are listening are probably thinking, This sounds more like my corporate job than a marriage. And that I want my marriage to be more like the marriage we all read about in the fairy tale books, right? Where everything is easy peasy. But the truth is, it's not. Change is hard, right? That's why corporations have change management, like entire divisions for change management. And to me, what I'm hearing from you is, yes, it's a little awkward in the beginning. And like, you have to kind of tiptoe around a little bit, making sure you're using the right words. But once you kind of break through that, you're It's easy. It's so easy.

Speaker 2: 33:01

Oh my gosh. And it doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect. You'll still be like, that was really annoying. Like, why didn't you just do that or see that or whatever. I'm like, but you know what? I know I'm definitely not perfect. And I want to say this other thing, and I probably need to lean into more of this in my content. And so, um, I will say that where women, we really, um, we really mess this up by micromanaging. So, here's what I want, especially for the women tuning into your podcast, right? I'm, I'm, a pretty type A person. You seem like you're pretty type A and that's just kind of like who we are. And I'm like, next life, I'm coming back as a dad. I'm going to chill.

Speaker: 33:39

Girl,

Speaker 2: 33:40

relax. Okay. Nothing about anything except my hamburger or whatever. You know what I mean? I'm here for that. So there is an agreed standard to how something is done, right? The child must have, I'm going to use a really dumb example here because everyone can pretty much get a child dressed. Shoes, socks, underwear, shorts or pants, shirt, jacket, and the hair must be brushed before they are actually Ready, like it's done. They are ready to go to school and if the clothes don't match. You kind of have to let that go. And I let that go early on. You know what I mean? And I want to be that picture perfect mommy And I want to have that but I'm like, I I can't I I cannot hold on so tightly to every tiny thing and that's where I think women because we want the bed made a certain way and it drives us crazy that our husband kind of Like, it looks like half assed when they do it, but it's like, you really just have to know that there is a season in life where you will be empty nesters. And you can make that bed all day long, you do whatever you want, your way. And if things really bother you, take it back and they can do something else that doesn't bother you. But you have to not be so bothered. With how things are done as long as it's done to the agreed upon standard. Let's say it again. You cannot be bothered as long as it's done to the agreed upon standard. You just have to kind of chill and shut your mouth. And sometimes it's really hard. It's really, really hard. Um, but you're going to be in handcuffs for as long as you do that, because that sucks for men to be micromanaged. It's like, well, then just do it yourself or it's just so invalidating, you know, and, and if you, let's say there's something that you really felt like, really, really don't want him to do it that way. Save it for your weekly check in and just like, Hey, I'd say it in the nicest way possible. Right. And say it hopefully with some other good, positive things. Does that

Speaker: 35:47

make sense? A hundred percent. And I'm glad that you brought up that topic of micromanaging because earlier I was thinking about. Perfectionism. And when you were talking about making homemade baby food and that's great if you love making homemade baby food and it brings you joy, but not everyone else in your household is going to think that and as long as your baby is fed and healthy and all of that, then it doesn't matter if they're eating Gerber smashed peas or your own smashed peas. They're eating smashed peas and you're right. It is hard, but yeah, I am a big fan of you get to choose your hard and so your hard can either be doing all of the work yourself day in day out and just having to swallow that pill because everything has to be perfect or you can let it go and trust me you will feel so much lighter if you can let it go so much happier so much later. Oh my gosh pace. Tell me about your courses and what you offer because I know people are going to want to like jump on that.

Speaker 2: 36:47

Yes, okay. So my most popular one that I want like everyone in the world to take so we can really make these lasting changes of the whole movement is called the mental load miracle. I have a live option and a pre recorded option. So the live option is like a four week, uh, meet up every, um, every week for four weeks, but the pre recorded option is self guided. 47 minutes. Um, and that's great. It comes with templates to kind of do the homework, if you will. But once you do it, it's done. And it really helps you get through to the other side of this. and then if I really wanted to make impactful changes. I made one for before you're expecting to have your first child.

Speaker: 37:27

Ooh. My gosh. You should jump on that because you do not realize how massive your world is going to change. There's no way you can understand it until you do it.

Speaker 2: 37:38

And it was like, I was kind of pissed off. I was like, man, nobody told me what was coming. Shit. If I'd only had something to really tell me what, you know, it's called really ready for baby. Because it's like, you know, you have what to expect when you're expecting, which is great for physical things, behavioral things. I'm like, shit, nobody is talking about the train that is going to run you over when you are, have a child and your husband is just like, chilling, chilling. Oh my God. Like this really have those hard conversations ahead of time and make sure that you're, journey to early motherhood is as beautiful as it can be. Cause all these freaking divorces, I'm on these Facebook groups, 18 months, one year old, two year olds. And I'm like, I see why now. And I'm like, that does not need to be that way. It does

Speaker: 38:34

not need to

Speaker 2: 38:35

be that way. And I will help you have a long, successful marriage, you know, if it's a problem. Um, and then there's other courses like. like what we were talking about with the grocery list and inventory and household inventory, and there's a time blocking lesson there. That's called household harmony. So it's like, whoever does it, regardless, it's a great system for running your household cleaning checklist. So that's just, you know, cause again, people aren't systems. People are like, okay, good. I got this. I get this, but how the heck do I make it happen on a regular basis and really like get control things that things don't control me. Um, And then I have one. I'm a super duper holiday person. I live for any holiday. Um, but when I had kids, I was like, I'm so tired. This is so much work. So I have a holiday course. of course it starts in like October because it's all about doing a little bit now to get there. But I'm like, great. I can celebrate. For all of Q4 and kind of plan it out. So I'm really relaxed during the season of Christmas. So that one is awesome. But those are kind of your more like secondary things. but sometimes people don't want to go super deep first. They want to maybe do a little like holiday planning or a little home system before they get into like, Let's go have these hard conversations. They want to,

Speaker: 39:56

they want to dip their pinky toe in. They just want to test the waters a little bit. I have this like little something for everybody. I love it. I love it. And they can follow you at our home flows on Instagram. Where else should they be following you?

Speaker 2: 40:10

Yeah. My focus is all on Instagram right now. And, um, we have a Facebook group. So I'm in there answering questions. And if you want to just dip in there, you can always DM me. I love to get questions. And the website is getourhomeblows. com if you wanted. There's tons of freebies and downloads there as well.

Speaker: 40:29

I absolutely love it, but if you don't do anything, just go follow her on Instagram because you are going to die laughing because it's going to resonate. It's going to resonate. It

Speaker 2: 40:39

totally, there's, oh, I will say it's probably my most important thing I have a prerecorded free mini workshop. That's like 12 minutes. That's what I want. Every there where I want everyone to start to be like, let me get a dose of what the 47 minute, course is like, we touch on all these really important things and you get to do a little, you know, it's interactive. So.

Speaker: 40:59

Oh my gosh. I will link all of that in the show notes, but Pace, this was an amazing conversation. Thank you so, so, so much for your time. And I just, I love the work that you're doing. So thank you. Likewise. Thanks.

Speaker 2: 41:11

Have a

Speaker: 41:11

great day.

41:12

Y'all we covered it all today. The mental workload, perfectionism, what it feels like to be a mom all in this one episode, but what I want you to take away from this is that it doesn't have to be hard. And as you heard earlier, you get to choose your hard. Pace is an expert when it comes to having tough conversations in a way that your partner can actually hear you. And if you really want to be seen and heard as an ambitious working mom, her Instagram will have you cackling. Y'all check out her courses. They are easy to digest. They are easy to implement and they are cost effective spending money on a course that will save your marriage. Lighten your mental workload and clear out your resentment. Yes. Please sign me up. So go check her out. Thank you so much for listening. I am so thankful that you tuned in today and make sure that you follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and all the socials for more content, just like this. And until next time, remember the only ceilings that exist are the ones we place on ourselves. Let's smash through them together.