Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors: Shatter Limiting Beliefs - Redefine Success - Chase Big Dreams
The "Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors" is the empowering podcast dedicated to the modern woman navigating the complexities of today's world.
This is where we tackle the paradoxes women face daily: being told to lean in but not too far, to speak up but not too loudly, and to balance the demanding roles of professional and motherhood with grace and strength.
Hosted by Erica Anderson Rooney, a seasoned HR executive with over 15 years of experience, this podcast is your go-to source for breaking through the 'sticky floors' – those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors that keep you STUCK.
Erica's mission is to empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities! And her biggest life goal is to get more women into positions of power and KEEP THEM THERE.
We delve into the tough topics here: Imposter Syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout, providing not just insights but actionable strategies to help you navigate these challenges.
Erica’s personal journey and expertise, combined with stories from inspiring female guests, offer a wealth of wisdom on overcoming obstacles and seizing opportunities.
Each episode is packed with tactical tips, strategies for career advancement, and mindset shifts essential for taking bold leaps in your career and life.
From uncovering corporate secrets to sharing real stories of women who have broken ceilings, the "Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors" podcast is an invitation to join a community of ambitious women ready to take inspired action.
Welcome to "Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors!" Let's embark on this journey together and transform our aspirations into achievements and go SHATTER SOME CEILINGS.
Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors: Shatter Limiting Beliefs - Redefine Success - Chase Big Dreams
SOULBBATICAL: This Harley Davidson Executive QUIT - so you don't have to! With Shelley Paxton
In this episode, we dive deep into the incredible journey of Shelley Paxton, former Harley Davidson executive turned Chief Soul Officer. Shelley shares her inspiring story of breaking free from the corporate success script, battling burnout, and reclaiming her authentic self. Learn how she transformed a life of external achievements into one filled with purpose, passion, and true freedom.
Shelley’s story is a must-listen for anyone feeling trapped by societal expectations or struggling to find their true path. We discuss the power of trusting yourself, the importance of values over validation, and how to awaken the rebel within you to live a life that’s fully aligned with your soul. Whether you're a corporate executive, entrepreneur, or anyone seeking a deeper connection with your true self, this conversation will inspire and empower you to take bold steps toward your own version of success.
Key Topics Covered:
- Shelley Paxton’s rise to Chief Marketing Officer at Harley Davidson
- The nightmare that changed everything
- The journey from burnout to awakening
- How to redefine success on your own terms
- Awakening the rebel within: A guide to living authentically
Watch this episode to learn how to:
- Break free from the pressures of societal expectations
- Reconnect with your inner self and reclaim your truth
- Embrace courage and authenticity in every aspect of your life
Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more empowering conversations like this one! Share this video with anyone who needs to hear that it’s okay to trust themselves and rewrite their own story.
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Imagine, waking up every night, drenched in sweat, heart racing, and haunted by the same terrifying nightmare, a nightmare that shakes you to your core and leaves you questioning everything, your career, your choices, your very identity. But what if that nightmare was your soul's way of screaming for attention? What if it was the universe's way of giving you the ultimate wake up call today? We're diving into a story that begins with that exact nightmare. A story of a woman who seemingly had it all climbing the corporate ladder to the top only to find herself disconnected from her true self and suffocating under the weight of expectations. This is the story of rebellion, not against the world before the self. It's a story about shedding the success script written by others and daring to write your own. Even when the stakes are high and when the risks feel insurmountable. What does it mean to be a rebel? How do you awaken the rebel within you and how do you find the courage to trust yourself? When everything around you is screaming to stay the course. These are the questions we're answering today. As we unpack a journey of transformation, soul searching, and ultimately finding true freedom. So get ready because this conversation is going to challenge you inspire you and maybe just maybe wake up that little voice inside of you. That's been whispering. There has to be more than this. You are listening to the glass stealing and sticky floor podcast. The podcast that will empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. So you can live your best life. I'm Erica Rooney and I'm on a mission to bring more women into positions of power and keep them there. I'm obsessed with all things, growth and abundance. And I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an ear, bud. And let's dive in.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:Shelly, welcome to the Glass Ceiling and Sticky Floor Podcast. How are you today?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Oh my God. I'm so good. And I'm so excited to finally be doing this with you. I feel like you're a soul sister.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:Oh, girl, I am because I have read your story. I know what's up and I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's my story, but just a little different. But let's kick it off. You are a Harley Davidson executive turned chief sole officer. You're going to have to tell me more. What is this come up story?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Yeah. This is like a five hour story that I'm going to give you the little snippets of, and then you can tell me where we want to go a little deeper into this. So, uh, the short version, and I wrote a whole book on this, but the short version is, listen, I had the most incredible 26 year corporate career. So let's start from a place of, I feel incredibly fortunate. There is some privilege in my story for sure. And I rode this wave of like, you know, I was really living my dad's success script. So that's kind of like, plant that seed because we come back to it. Um, I was living my dad's success script. He was a marketing executive turned, you know, very, Successful, you know, by traditional definitions of the word, um, you know, chief executive and a very successful, uh, businessman, let's put it that way. And so I was like, Oh, well, that seems kind of interesting. And advertising and marketing is super sexy. And I got into it after college and it just like, it was like a rocket ship. And I'm like, Oh, this is a one way ticket around the world. I was living in really sexy places. I was. And I lived in Istanbul. I lived in Shanghai. I lived in New York City. I was on this incredible rocket ship ride and I was eating it up. I was working for literally some of the most iconic brands in the world. So before Harley, which I'll get to in two seconds, I served brands from McDonald's to Visa to AOL, which was sexy back in the day. If we put a D on it, Date stamp or timestamp on it. Um, Intel. I mean, so many cool brands and then Harley Davidson came calling and it came calling and they came calling at a point in time in my life when I'd just gone through an epic divorce, I was redefining who I was in the world. I was reclaiming my mojo. I wanted my badassery back. And so when you get the call from Harley Davidson to say, Hey. We want you to help us build our global marketing organization. You say hell yes. And you learn to ride a motorcycle. So
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:So hold on. You didn't even know how to ride a motorcycle before
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:I had no idea how to, it's, it's usually the first question I get from people, so I had to drop it in because it's also a story of like, we get to do whatever the fuck we want to do, and we can reinvent ourselves, we can learn how to ride a motorcycle. I was 40 years old. Years old when I learned how to ride a motorcycle. So this was Shelly Paxton. Great. Like, you know reclaiming her mojo, you know, revving on the throttle of a big ass Harley Davidson stepping into a really unbelievable role. I ended up staying at Harley for six and a half years. So my final six and a half years of my 26 years in the corporate world was at Harley. It was I literally zero regrets in my entire career, zero regrets going to Harley. It was unbelievable. The, the honor and the privilege of getting to represent an iconic, sexy global brand like Harley. That is truly a legacy brand. And especially as a marketer, I have a lot of reverence. It's for being a part of that history and putting my fingerprints on, you know, you know, a hundred plus years of history and, and all of that. And that makes my story all the more interesting because with that as the backdrop, like I'm now feeling like a badass, I've learned how to ride a motorcycle. Ultimately I become chief marketing officer of Harley Davidson. I take the global reigns. I do not take this lightly. And in the final year of my time at Harley, I'm honestly, I'm feeling exhausted. I'm feeling empty, unfulfilled. I felt super alone because nobody around me was talking about feeling this way. So I assumed I was the only one. Feeling this way which I know we'll dive into because this is a really important topic And so here I am and then I kind of wasn't listening. So I started drinking heavily. I was pushing it down I was totally numbing and I get to this point where clearly the universe and my soul were like, uh uh sister We're gonna wake you the fuck up. You are going to pay attention. You are going to listen to what's going on So a nightmare started ripping at me out of my sleep in the middle of the night Always 2 a. m. and always seeing the exact same nightmare. And that was the entire final year that I was at Harley. And for context, I'm like 45 and 46 years old, right? So this isn't like, I'm a little kid having a nightmare. I'm a full grown, like. Full grown ass woman who is every day trying to pretend she has it together. And finally I asked for help and I asked for support and I went to find a doctor and I went to a therapist and I started to understand what this nightmare was telling me. And I woke up and we can go into the nightmare. I'll pause in a second, but I woke up to this idea. That I was completely disconnected from myself, my soul, my truth, my own desires, and frankly, my own definition of success. I had, I had, you know, been ticking all the boxes of this traditional success script that my dad handed me and it served me really, really, really well until it didn't. And so that was the beginning of me understanding that it was up to me to reclaim my own agency, to reconnect with myself, and to make different choices going forward. And that led to christening myself Chief Soul Officer and going on this journey that I called my Soulbatical. And I know there's a lot in there, so I'm gonna stop talking.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:It's crazy because there's a lot to unpack there, but Shelly, I can't tell you how closely that mirrors my experience as well. Like, that's what's wild. It's like, I climbed the corporate ladder, I got all the way to the C suite, and I just felt like I had to do everything to perfection. I was in this role. Like you said, a bit of privilege here and there. So it's like, okay, well, I need to live this role and be happy about it. And I've got these kids and this job and this lifestyle that on the outside looks Instagram picture perfect. You know, we're going to the Maldives. I've got these two beautiful kids, but inside I was dying. And the only thing at the time that I felt I could do was drink more wine because no one understood me. I couldn't talk to anybody about it and I just felt so alone. So instead of actually dealing with what was going on inside of me, I was numbing it all down and shutting it all away. But as you know, that only shakes you so far and it works until it doesn't. And when it doesn't work, it's not good. So I would love to
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:when you get the cosmic kick in the ass, right? And it comes for all of us. If we don't listen, it whispers and then it shouts, and then it hits you with a 2x4, whatever that looks like for you. And so, you're right, I cannot believe how many similarities. I know a little bit about your story, but I didn't know all of that. Oh my god. Okay, so you were about to ask a question.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:well, but also. To go off what you're saying, like, what is hilarious is the universe gives you these signs and these nudges along the way, right? And hindsight is a gift that we will all have one day, but today is not that day. And all of those signs were coming in left and right, but because I was so damn stubborn, Right. I wasn't going to give into any of that because that meant I failed. And like you said, like, I had all these checkboxes. I could never admit that I was struggling, that I wasn't keeping it all together, that I wasn't sleeping, that I was waking up at, you know, 4 a. m., like, sweating, heart palpitations, totally stressed out. I could not admit that to anyone because that meant I was a failure. And so all of your story just, like, strikes a chord. But what, what makes me I guess happy and sad about it is happy number one that we're here talking about it because that's the whole thing. What makes me sad about it is like there, if there are us two women in the world that have found each other feeling this exact way, having this story, how many other women are out there not Speaking about it, suffering in silence, numbing out, unhappy, staying in terrible relationships, and wasting their life away.
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Yeah. And Erica, I mean, you're hitting on exactly why one, we're soul sisters, one of the million reasons and why we're having this conversation, why I wrote my book. I mean, I can't tell you one of the, I keep this quote all the time. So I'm holding up a little orange sticky, which you'll come to orange is my color. And these are permission slips. I typically write myself, but what's on this one. Is a quote from Brene Brown that guides me every single day and it is exactly what we're talking about. I would love to read it. It says, One day you will tell your story of how you've overcome what you're going through now and it will become someone else's survival guide.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:Oh, I love that. Brené Brown is just like the queen of all things.
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:yeah, I mean, without a doubt, without a doubt, like, I feel like one of my personal, I say she's on my personal board of directors. She doesn't know it yet.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:No, that's okay. That's
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:and I hope to be able to tell her one day. And that is so important to me because I put my heart and my soul in my book and I very intentionally seek out these kinds of raw, Vulnerable conversation so we can normalize it exactly what you just said. Like I think about how much the conversation has shifted from when I was having this nightmare. I left Harley almost eight years ago. So just to put another kind of timeline around it, um, I left Harley almost eight years ago. It was 2016, late in the year. And when I think about Then what the narrative was, no one was having these conversations. We weren't talking about mental health. We were not openly saying, I need help. I want support. I'm in therapy. I'm, you know, finding our people and talking about how can success be something that feels more full and less empty. And that was like this whole, that what hit me like a lightning bolt. Is this idea when I was on Soulbattical and in the journey that I've taken since is we can get all the way to the top and we can feel really guilty. Like you said, I was like, I'm a privileged white woman. Like, this is ridiculous that I'm even having These feelings of, is this all there is? And I was guilting myself exactly like you said. And the reality is that isn't, that isn't the question, right? That's the question is, are we being true to ourselves? Success is a thing. Feeling not a checklist. And when I finally got that and I understood that when you are continuing to tick the boxes and live someone else's success script, whatever that looks like you can have successful in the corporate world. I'm not saying you have to leave your job. What I'm saying is. We get to do this very differently and we get to do this on our terms and it takes more of us as individuals stepping into our badass truth and talking about it and then it takes us collectively to start to shift culture within companies and within our communities and within the world frankly.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:So powerful. I do want to go back to that nightmare though. What, what was that nightmare? How long did it go on? You know, you said that you, you woke up, you finally asked for help. What was that turning point that led you to finally ask for help?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Yeah, you're going to relate to this based on the little bit that you've shared and that I know. So the nightmare was, I'd still, even every time I even start to tell it, I will get tears in my eyes and I have goosebumps and I tell this often on stage and you probably know this feeling, it never gets old and it is, I am always fully present in the terror of what it was because it truly was, uh, You might not make it to 50 years old if this keeps happening and that was one of that was one of my wake that was one of my sort of holy shit moments. So to take you back to the nightmare. I was again to 2am. I woke up in sweat and tears at 2am. on the dot every single night. This happened the entire final year. So this isn't like, Hey, for a couple of weeks, I was kind of waking up and losing some sleep. This was, I was not sleeping and I was starting to lose my grip on reality, especially because I was drinking myself to sleep to try to incapacitate the nightmare. All the things you were saying, like, I was like, Well, I'm not going to deal with the real thing or actually try to understand what's at the core of this. I'm going to try to make it go away. I'm going to try to numb it away and enough bottles of wine will incapacitate that thing for sure. Right? Well, of course the answer is no. So here's, so I was, it was crazy. And part of the reason why it makes me so emotional is because I was every night I was being guided Through this like maze of hallways that I didn't, I didn't recognize. It was like I first start out and I think I'm in the apartment I was living in when I was at Harley, and then it's this unfamiliar maze of hallways. I'm being pulled by this invisible force. I ultimately end up in this dark, like pitch black. Cold lifeless room and I'm like forced to walk into this room and you know when you walk in a room and you're like Oh some real bad shit has happened in this room, right? Like your hair is on end and there is no sign of life And it has like a bit of a damp chill in the air And all I can see is on the other side is this dim flickering outline of what looks like a small utility closet. And of course that same invisible force is like pulling me toward it. I'm resisting. I don't want to know what the hell it is. I don't want to be there. I'm trying to bolt in the other direction. And I find myself standing in front of the door, putting my, my door or my hand on the door handle, pulling the door open. And as I do, I hear this whimpering and. Boiler alert, sort of trigger warning for dog lovers. I look down and on the floor is my precious pug. So I had this fat, cute, roly poly blind pug named Mocha. He had died before I went to Harley. But when I open this closet, he is alive. And skeletal, malnourished, neglected, longing for attention. So what I am Believing in this moment, in this nightmare, is I'm a monster who has left her dog to, like, die in this little utility closet, and I didn't even know he was still alive. And so I scoop him up, and I cradle him, and I promise to never leave him again, and I'm telling him how much I love him, and boom. I wake up. That exact point at 2 a. m. every night. I kid you not. So, you know, you, you kind of know what's coming and it's terrifying. And so, I got to the point, and I'm curious if this was, you know, a different set of circumstances, but it sounds like you were trying to drink it away and all the things. I got to a point where I was just on the cusp of not even being able to function in my job. I was so high functioning. It was scary. When I look back at it now and I was like, Oh, just, you know, put on all the cool jewelry and put it like, literally I was armoring myself up as Brene says. And I was stepping in trying to pretend everything was okay. But I was exhausted. I was continuing to repeat the cycle. I was just not myself. And I'm like, this can't go on. And so about three or four months in, I was like, I need help. I wasn't publicly ready to. So I went to a doctor who had done like some of my executive stuff for Harley. And he had a very holistic view of medicine and an approach to health and very Eastern meets Western medicine. And so for me, I was like, that felt like a safe space. Space for me to have an initial conversation. And so his name was Dr. Bob. I mentioned him in the book. I, Dr. Bob I think was the beginning of the me, you know, turning a corner because he was like, he. he. initiated me to slowing down, to a little taste of meditation, to this idea that we can have monkey brain, right? This is sort of like our demons trying to wake us up and keep us up, but honestly, it was through slowing down and an initial meditation practice. And I'm talking like five or ten minutes at a time, and I'm still kind of that person. I, I, started to understand that what I was seeing mocha was a proxy for my soul and my soul was dying in a closet longing to be loved and fed and nourished and longing for my attention and for me to reconnect with it and own my truth. And that was the moment when I got that lightning bolt. I was like, I need to pause. I need to go take some time to myself and I spent the next probably six months making sure that I could pave my way out of Harley in a way that felt really respectful to the brand and my team and All the things, uh, and that's what I did and I was like, terrified because my, the people closest to me, my parents included, were like, you don't do this, nobody does this, this is ridiculous, Shelly, look at this job that you have, and I was like, I know, I understand, it looks ludicrous from the outside, but all I know is I can't wake up and feel this way every single day, all the money in my bank account, all the privilege and good fortune of riding motorcycles around the world, all of it, I'm going to die. And so I just, I finally paved my way out. Like I said, I left in September of 2016. So I'm coming up on the, um, the eight year anniversary. And I, I woke up one morning and it was like a love letter on the side of my bed and it was like you are going on a soulbatical. This is how you are going to talk about it to people. You are not going on holiday, you are not going on a traditional sabbatical, but you are going on a much deeper journey of self and reconnection with soul and you'll figure it out. And that's where the Solbatical, which became the title of my book. So later on, I started to realize, Oh, this is a journey other people are interested in. This is a conversation more people want to have, just like you and I are. And so that started to lead me into this becoming my mission, my book, my business. But I have to say, and this especially for anyone listening to this right now, most importantly, this became a way of being. And an understanding of intentional choices I get to make every day to show up in my truth to show up more bold and more brave and more badass in, in my way. And you get to choose that in your way. And for some people, that's absolutely in the corporate world and you get to decide to do it differently. I actually have a keynote right now that I call, I quit the job. So you don't have to, so it's about me leaving so I can pay it forward. I want to share what I wish I would have known. If you're sitting in a mid level manager seat, if you're sitting in a C suite, C suite seat, like you and I were all of that. So I'll pause there. That's a lot, but that was the journey.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:I mean, it's so powerful and I love just the entire story of it. And thank you so much for sharing it because those are the pieces that I feel like we don't talk about out loud as much. And I am a big believer that when you do voice your fears or you voice your struggles, they become smaller. They become less of a thing, right? When we keep them closed up in this closet, it's like that big scary monster that we can't talk about. Well, when we shed light, when we open that door, we are finally allowing that light to come in and you look in there and you see, it's not this big scary thing. But my question for you, you talk about a way of being, you talk about this whole transformation and You know, exiting Harley Davidson. I know one of the areas that I really struggled is what I call FOPO, the fear of other people's opinions. And that has, you know, we got YOLO, we got all these other things. I've got FOPO, right? Fear of other people's opinions. And that was something that held me back for so long. How did you Let go of the FOPO. Oh
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Oh my gosh. It is something I still practice to this day. So I think what's really important to say, and I say this in daily life, and I know you do too, I don't have it all figured out. This is, literally, I preach what I need to practice. I practice what I preach. And, and, preach is a strong word, but you know what I'm saying, like, I'm, I'm in this work because I'm still in this work. And so I think it's important to say that, you know, it was, I always say every bad ass accomplishment is a series of tiny steps. I'm still taking those tiny steps every single day. So I see this way of being as a practice. I have more tools. I have more concepts. I have more of an understanding and a self awareness and I'm still practicing this every single day. So I talk a lot about the choices that I make and one of them gets exactly, I love FOPO by the way, brilliant. One of the choices that I make and that I love to share with the world is I choose or we choose because I'm inviting all of you to choose for yourselves as well. Values, Overvalidation. And so you'll, you'll come to know that I absolutely love good alliteration, so I almost always will make everything alliterative because I also find it easier to remember for myself as well. But you know, the idea and what really landed with me when this hit me on Solbatical, and it's really crystallized over time, is that it's this radical mindset shift from believing that what matters is out there. Somewhere outside of you, which lives in the land of validation and what everybody else thinks to knowing what matters most is all in here inside of you, knowing what matters most is your values, your truth, your desires. And that shift has, I talk about this as the very first choice I always make in every. Talk in every conversation on every stage. That is the first one I cover because to me, it's so foundational. And so when I say values, I actually mean both value and value. So I'll talk about both of those. So value is really us inherently believing in our own worth. Right. In our, like the value we have, like, we don't have to prove ourselves. We are worthy, right? So when we're starting from that place of just belief in what we have to bring to the world. So anchor in your own value and your own self worth and get clear on your value. So I'll say that one of the most, um, I guess, life changing, game changing things for me, I used, speaking of Brene Brown, I used her dare to lead list of values. And if you don't have that, I'll send you the link, put it in the show notes. I went through a training with her back in, Oh my God, 2018 or 2019 around dare to lead. And what, one of the things that really stuck with me is that we kind of went from, uh, Understanding like all the things that you that resonate with you on the value sheet. So let's call it 15 and then you have to get down to 10 and then you get down to 5 and then you get really clear on what are your top three values. And it's something that I use now. It is my lens and my filter. My top three are freedom, authenticity, and courage. And it, I just went, oh my god, of course they are. But I had never seen it that clearly before. I had never understood. Good it to be like, Oh, that's a way I can start to make decisions. That's a way I can live a life that feels more aligned. And so much so that I actually authenticity, you can see this and anybody watching the video. I, it's authenticity is the truest form of rebellion is one of the lines in my book and authenticity is one of my values and I tattooed it on my forearm and I look at it every single day as a reminder to be true to me. And then it of course reminds me of my other values as well. So that's what I practice. And you know what, some days I get totally caught up in the faux Of course I do. I'm human as are you and everybody else listening. So it's a matter of waking up and reminding myself and re grounding in that choice of values over validation.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:my gosh. Well, I'm dying over here, but I have to tell you and anyone listening, you've got to go check out my girl, Nicole Khalil's book called Validation is for Parking because that really helps you with the FOPO. And also what an awesome name for a
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Yes! It's so good!
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:I know I was like, okay, I got to find out what this girl's values are. And then you just spilled them to me. But my values are growth, health and wellness. Encourage. Encourage has been the one that has always been Really been the driving one, right? Like growth comes naturally to me. I'm so growth minded. I'm, you know, hustling and busting here and there health and wellness. It's been ingrained for me for forever, but courage is one that I really leaned on because I wanted it, but I needed it. And I needed the courage to say, is this what a courageous person would do? And I used that mainly when I was really struggling with FOPO. And I've told this story before, but even when it came to starting this podcast, I sat on the idea of starting a podcast for over a year because I was like, Oh my God, everybody's going to say. What is she doing? She doesn't know what she's talking about. And now it's been going for over two and a half years. You know, it's a globally top rated podcast. Like, holy shit. What if I had just sat in that FOPO and just believed in it? Number one, nobody was even saying those things. So I wasn't even believing something that I had heard. I was just making up this bullshit in my head. But the thing about values is. So many people don't sit down and do that exercise that you talked about because it's too woo woo. And if I'm honest with you, that was me too. I was like, of course I have values. Who doesn't have values? But then if you were to be like, Hey, Erica, what are your values? I would have been like, I don't know. What are they?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Yeah. Or you would have listed off like 10 or 15 things, which is totally me too. I, I mean, listen, I get it and I get why people say that. I also think that what you just said is tied to this kind of fear we have of sitting with ourselves quietly because the scary part and what takes courage to your point. Okay. Thanks. Is I'm going to allow whatever's going to come up to come up when we're doing a values exercise. It's going to call a lot of stuff up that you sit with to really say what matters most to me. And it takes a lot of courage to even sit with yourself. And with that exercise, so bravo to anyone who does it because it's not easy work. And I'm not trying to even pretend that it's easy work, but it will change your life.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:A hundred percent. And it always makes me laugh because you're going through those list of words and the list of values and the way I describe it to everyone is like, sometimes it feels really icky to cross off those words. And one of the words I cross off every single time is generosity. It doesn't mean I'm not a generous person, you know, but it's not one of my core values. And so you really have to get comfortable saying that's not a core value of mine and owning that.
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:It's so true. Well, and it's funny. Okay. Real time when you were listing out your values and health and wellness was one of them. I've been debating with myself. I felt something get kicked up there because I've been debating. I've been on this. I got really sick in 2022. And so the past two years have been me saying that my, my wellbeing. In all physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, all of it comes above and beyond everything else in my life. And it's really started to get me thinking like, maybe actually that is my highest value. You know, or was it my highest value for a season and those things we get to play in and out. And so I've been playing around with that because I have shifted my entire life to be in service of my own health and well being. And now I'm like back and badass and my energy is better than ever. My health is better than it's been. I'm 54 and I feel like when I was 40. It's amazing. And so. It like we still get to play with it. I guess it's to reiterate your point that it doesn't mean that you don't believe in these other things or that there aren't going to be seasons where some of these things are going to take precedent because you decide and you get to decide. But I find that having Three that generally help you navigate. And I use mine to set boundaries too, which is another choice I make. I say we choose boundaries over burnout. And to me, the question I ask around boundaries also ties back to value. So I, I found a way to start pulling the threads through as well, which has felt very meaningful in, in my life and in my work. Totally.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:you brought that up because so many people think that your values can't change throughout your life. And I'm here to say that's absolute bullshit because if you go way back in time to when you're, you know, fresh out of high school, you're entering the real world. Maybe you're not married. Maybe you don't have kids. Maybe you don't even have a real job. Your values are going to be very different than if you jump forward 25 years and you have a family and kids and a dog and all that shit. Right? So it's okay to own that, right? Certain ones, like Authenticity and courage, those usually run deep and are ingrained forever. But there are those few that kind of float around like health and wellness. But one thing I want to ask you about Shelly that I'm so, so interested in is you talk about awakening the rebel within, and I just love this idea, but talk to me about what does it mean to be a rebel? And how do we awake this rebel within?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Oh my god. Well, here's this is what I love and I'm still playing around with this in my work But the the subtitle to my book is a corporate rebels guide to finding your best life so that says a lot about who I am cuz it's not just a Being a rebel for the sake of being a rebel, what I'm actually doing is I am redefining what it means to be a rebel. Because I think the word rebel got a very bad rap. And usually when I say it, and I often make this joke on stage, it's like, you picture like, arms crossed, leather jacket, you know, outsider with kind of the glaring stare like any character played by James Dean back in the day. Like that's what it is. It's like the outcast, the outsider, the, the person who's rebelling against. And so what I have been on a mission to do is say, what if rebel is actually those of us who are rebelling for. Not rebelling against and we're rebelling for who we are and what we want and the impact we want to have in the world. So when I think about a rebel, I mean, a rebel to me is a badass who's courageously rewriting their success script in service of their soul story, all the things you and I just spoke about. And so what I will often do is share. Here's who I see as a rebel, and I'll show a picture of Brene Brown, I'll show a picture of Michelle Obama, of Simone Biles, and how timely that we're having this conversation, because I've been talking about her since 2021, with the whole original Tokyo, uh, Summer Olympics, and her taking a beat, and I say she shed the shackles of should, right? The world was like, well, you should compete because you're the team captain. You should compete because blah, blah, blah, blah. But you know, you're the veteran. Uh, there's always the Greek chorus to your point. There's always the people shouting at us, Tynus, what we should in quotes be doing. And it's really up to us. So I encourage people to, you know, shed The shackles of should and I talk about Simone. So I say that these new rebels like Brene and Michelle and Simone and even Ariana Huffington, they are reclaiming, they're deciding, they're realizing that the success script that exists now and has been in, in, in most cases, was kind of very patriarchy driven. It's not serving them or the greater good. So they're reclaiming their agency. Michelle Obama does everything with more humanity and soul. Brene, you know, is rebelling for vulnerability and courage and so many things. Ariana's rebelling for, you know, well being in all the ways through Thrive Global and her own story. Simone is reclaiming her own agency and we just saw that payoff in. Spades at the Paris Olympics. I mean, all these things. So I'm like, wow, when you start to shift what a rebel even looks like, and you start from that point, and then this new definition that I've created around rebelling and rebelling for, which feels more empowering and more energizing and more expansive, it all starts with what we were just talking about, like reclaiming your own truth. Right? And what are you rebelling for? That's my kind of famous question that I love to ask people. So, I'm curious how that lands with you.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:I love it because I think it's about damn time we actually start to rewrite the script on a lot of these terms that we have been using, right? What does it mean to be successful? What does it mean to be a good mom? What does it mean to be a woman who has it all? Like all of those things we need to rewrite, including what does it mean to be a rebel? And I love your definition. So that is amazing. But Shelly, I've got one last question for you. And that is if you could go back to the Shelly who is waking up in the middle of the night, 2 a. m. With this horrific dream. What piece of advice would you give her today?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Oh. I, you know what, I would, I would tell her it's okay to trust yourself. Because I think the thing that I struggled with the most Was this like, everything was so loud, this validation and my parents voices and the voices of my community, everybody only knew one way to quote unquote, be successful. And like, I didn't trust myself. It took me so long to trust that little voice and that instinct and I knew something was wrong. I was falling apart mentally, physically, soulfully, spiritually, all of it. And so I think that kind of trust and surrender, I feel like that's one of my forever lessons, but like trust and surrender, like it will guide you, like nurture that relationship with yourself and it will inevitably guide you. Guide you in a direction that feels like success, right?
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:I love that. I love that. Shelly, where can people get in touch with you? How can they find you?
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Oh my gosh. Um, my website is ShellyPaxton. com So feel free to check me out. Shelly's with an E Y. Um, I play, my playgrounds are LinkedIn So please connect with me on LinkedIn, ShellyPaxton. com And on Instagram, I'm at the Shelly Paxton. So that's a fun place. You'll see me popping up there. Um, and you can buy my book Sabbatical, a Corporate Rebels Guide to Finding Your Best Life anywhere where you buy your books, Amazon, your local bookstore, anywhere else. So, um, those are, those are the biggies. And hey, if you are listening to this and you're a corporate executive and you can see a need for a badass to come on your stage and share this. you know, way of being and um, you know, all the nuggets that I've learned over these past eight years, I would love to share some more of that on my website as well.
erica_1_08-13-2024_123458:Oh my gosh. I love it. Thank you, Shelly. This was so fun.
shelley-paxton_1_08-13-2024_113458:Thank you.
As we wrap up this powerful conversation, I want to take a moment and let everything that we discussed today. Sink in. Shelly's journey is a profound reminder that no matter how far we've climbed, no matter how many boxes we've ticked off on that success script handed to us by others, there's always room. No, there is a necessity for us to pause, to listen to our inner voice and to ask ourselves, is this really what I want? Is this truly my story? We've talked about what it means to be a rebel. Not the kind that fights against everything, but the kind that fights for something deeper, something more authentic. The rebel who is brave enough to rewrite the script, to define success on her own terms and to trust yourself even when the world is shouting, otherwise. So as you go back to your day, I want you to remember this. It's okay to trust yourself. It's okay to rewrite your story, to embrace your values over validation and to be the rebel for your own soul. Because at the end of the day, that's what success truly looks like. Living a life that feels full, authentic, and completely yours. So thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing in this conversation and for daring to explore what it means to be your own chief soul officer until next time, keep rebelling for what truly matters to you. And remember, you've got this. Now if you haven't rate, reviewed and subscribe, please do so. It truly helps the podcast. I land in the hands of the woman that needs to hear it most. And remember until next time. The only ceilings that exist are the ones we place over ourselves. Let's smash them together.
